Rejoice Always

"And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord, And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior.  For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed. For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.  And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation." Luke 1:46

What a beautiful passage.  Mary's Song, the Magnificat is one of my favorites.  What a beautiful heart to respond to her Lord like this…a bond slave in love with her Lord...completely devoted.

Hidden in this passage is some great truth in action.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says to rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and in everything give thanks.  In past journal entries I've briefly talked about praying unceasingly and in everything give thanks but what about rejoice always?  How are we to accomplish such a thing?

Mary gives us a tremendous example here.  Have you noticed what she's rejoicing about or how she's rejoicing?  If you'll go back and read the entire song, you'll see that Mary is calling into remembrance what God has done in the past, calling into remembrance what He is doing in the present, and calling into remembrance what He is going to do in the future.

What can really help, as well, is if we recognize that she is calling these things into remembrance on a personal level and a "national level".  She rejoices that God has been mindful of her.  She rejoices that all future generations shall call her blessed.  But she also rejoices that He has helped Israel, brought down rulers, and promises blessing from generation to generation; even to Abraham and all generations.

Carol often tells me that I should be thankful for my testimony.  She kind of grew up in the faith.  She gave her life to Christ at an early age and grew up learning, highlighting, and tearing up the Word of God.  She doesn't have a "from darkness to light" experience that I have.  Many are the times I have called into remembrance the life of darkness, hopelessness, drugs, and mental illness only to REJOICE and see what He did, what He is doing and what He is going to do in my future...even in eternity.

I love when God speaks and shows me what He is presently doing in me.  I love the times when he sets me down to speak with me about what He is doing in my life....explaining away the confusion, helping me to understand the difficulties, revealing to me the deep redemptive work that is taking place in me and in the Church.  I marvel when He shows me glimpses of the future...eternal glory...things no eye has seen, no mind can conceive...and he calls me to pray for a pure, spotless, blameless, bride of Christ...fully mature...prepared for the Groom.

Early in my walk I remember being fascinated with God's historical and ultimately, eternal, redemptive work He was, and is doing in His people.  I loved learning about how all of history connected to fulfill His purpose...from the garden to the exodus to the judges, the prophets, the garden again, the cross, and of course, the church...even through Revelation.  It was not difficult to call into remembrance on a "national level" God's work in the past, the present, the future, and to rejoice.

“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ”             2 Corinthians 10:4

Our minds seem to like activity, and the Word of God warns us that our hearts and minds are continually under attack.  It seems the world, the flesh, and the devil are constantly attempting to fill them with JUNK...constantly trying to suck our minds into their lying, deceptive perspective....and they are often quite powerful and effective.  We must continually be busy about "casting down vain imaginations and making every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."

When it comes to matters of faith and personal history with God, my memory becomes strangely fuzzy.  As I have mentioned before, that is part of the reason I journal...to have a concrete record of what God is showing me.  When I fill my mind with the activity of God, rejoicing and calling into remembrance what he is doing in the past, the present, and the future...I find victory over lying strongholds and everything that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. 

So rejoice always...calling into remembrance God's work in the past, the present, and the future.

Rule of Devotion

Wherever  I roam I see your face.  In the crowd, surrounded by the hopeless, my hope is devotion. Simple, sweet, passionate...you remind me, as I walk about this dark world, of your nearness...

And I behold...and I am undone...Jesus...It is evident, "the whole world is under the control of the evil one".  It is evident you have pulled me out...set me apart.

Jesus, truly you are the Lover of my soul.  Let my song pierce the night, like incense, the evening sacrifice, let it be a pleasing fragrance to You.

Lord I love your devotion.  I love the way you move about as the world presses in on me...you are protector, shepherd, life giver...you are my desire and I belong to you...you are my fire, and in your fire I am free....

And though dark afflictions of this present evil age encompass me, I hide myself in your embrace, I cleave to your altar.  You are my defense, a warrior with love's passion. 

On my knees I hide in you, In a flame of fire, I burn in you,   I melt into the arms of your grace and your mercy.

I clothe myself with the armor of devotion...the enemy's defeat is found in my surrender...to you...and in petition, praise, intercession, worship.  Lord you have cut me from the cloth of this earth and though I am in this world, I am not of this world.  I have been born from above.  

You are my holiness, my Holy Lamb of God and you consume me; you enamor me with your holiness, your presence, your fire.  Your beauty pierces the darkness; your marvelous light mystifies your beloved against the backdrop of this decaying, dying world.

"They have tracked me down, they now surround me, with eyes alert, to throw me to the ground."  Psalm 17:11

"Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy” Psalm 27:6

I make simple preparations at your tabernacle...at your altar I make my intentions known...before the mercy seat I express my devotion.  I am captivated by You and you alone.  

Though my enemies rage against me, plotting my demise...though bloodthirsty, corrupt men devise schemes and invite me to the table of their wickedness, my love grows more and more passionate for you.

At the feet of my Master, I am overjoyed!  Though armies besiege me and arrogant men set up shrines to worship themselves, I dance in the presence of your delight!  

To please only you...is my desire!  Where the world sees sheep led to slaughter...you see holy ones born of the Son...saints...children...devoted ones burning for you...

This is the rule of devotion...

Infinite Elixir

"Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound"   Romans 5:20

Take a deep breath.

How did that feel?

That's grace...

Where there's sin, where there's stress, where there's failure, where there's heartache, where there's fear, where there's disappointment, where there's guilt...Waiting for YOU with a smile a mile wide is GRACE.

It's like a mist, infinite elixir for the soul....for the urgent in need.  It never runs out.

Grace says you can take a deep breath...you are allowed to relax...recuperate...perfection is NOT required. In fact, grace says you can screw the whole thing up and it’s okay.  You get to try again.  You’re still loved, and you’re still adored by the Holy One, Jesus, the Christ.  Fall into the arms of grace and let it rescue you.

Grace....

I'm fascinated by her effortless charm and the beauty of her movement.  I'm captivated by the power of her electricity and the readiness of her sanctification.  She is God's perfect gift to man, and she is the sister of Calvary, the virtue of the incarnation.  She is....dunamis, the power of God, and I am overjoyed at the thought of her!

I had only known Carol a few weeks when I had wrecked my car.  It was only a couple of years old and I had bought it brand new.  I had very little money, a terrible job, and a high deductible.  I was visiting with Earl, now my father-in-law, and he said, “Sean, we can fix it".  I was shocked.  In the first place, I didn't think we could fix an almost brand new car, and in the second place I couldn't believe he was offering to help!  He barely knew me! And he had nothing to gain.

We proceeded to fix it.  We gathered parts, tore the thing apart, and got as far as we could with it.  When we couldn't get any farther, he went behind my back and paid a professional to finish the job!  Did I mention he barely knew me?  He had nothing to gain! He just wanted to help someone who desperately needed help.

This is grace!  Divine assistance....for someone who desperately is in need of help.  No, I'm not saying Earl is God, but it sure seems like God was working through him.

I don't have to fly that much for work so I'm still a bit of a kid when I get to the airport.  I love taking off.  The power still amazes me.  It's always as though I've never flown before. When the wheels leave the ground, I marvel at what man has accomplished and it's at this point I'm reminded of grace.  Immense power can drive that plane at great speeds but it takes lift, it takes wings to get it in the air.  Great strength and determination can drive a man to great heights but it takes grace, whether you believe it or not, to accomplish the impossible.

Divine assistance!  I love the story in 2 Kings when a great army surrounded the city of Dothan...where Elisha was.  Elisha was not worried, and when he prayed for the servant's eyes to be opened, the servant was no longer concerned either.  He saw the hills full of the horses and chariots of fire from the Lord!

Can you see the horses and chariots of fire on the hillside overlooking your life, ready to come to your assistance at any given moment?  Do you realize the forces of heaven have their eyes set on you?  You are a child of the King; bought with His blood...you have His ring!  "All power pertaining to life and Godliness has been given to you!”

It's like we are the most spoiled kids on the block except for one thing...we don't know it! Or we don't believe it.  We don't believe the horses and chariots are there.  We don't believe the grace, the presence; the power of God awaits our asking, every moment, every second.  We don't know or believe His holy fire is there, and He longs for us to long for it...for Him.

Drink it in!  Drink deep!  Drink the elixir of God!  Dive into the wellspring of life!
Cry out for grace every second of the day!  You can never ask for it too much.  You can never ask God too much...to live in the fire of His love and the virtue of His incarnation.

Father, my God, my King, my Lord, I need grace.  I need your divine assistance.  I need the breath, the fire of your love to breathe into me this moment...every moment.  I need grace.  I want to wrap my arms around grace and I need grace to wrap its arms around me!  I give up!  I can't live without the fire of God and I don't want to.  God please give me grace and teach me to walk in its wonderful, life-giving power!

The Mystery Of Gratitude

"Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping." Matthew 8:23-24

Do you ever feel like God is asleep? That was not the first time those fisherman had been on that lake.  If there was any sign of a furious storm coming they would have made other plans.  Well, maybe.  It does say, plain and simple, "they followed him".  It came without warning.  The skies were blue.  It was a beautiful day. It was peaceful...so peaceful that the Son of God fell asleep.

This must have been some storm.  These seasoned fisherman didn't know what to do...they panicked.  I wonder if they thought they had made a huge mistake.  I wonder if they thought this guy must be some kind of charlatan.  He had done some "miracles" but there was all that strange talk... You know?  The Son of God stuff?  I mean, there's no way this would be happening if he were really the Son of God!

Jesus rebuked them when they came and woke him up.  He told them they had such little faith.  And then he did the unthinkable...he calmed the elements!  He had authority over the most powerful force known to man...nature!  This was insurmountable!  He really could do anything!  He really was...God!

Well, at least they ran to him.  In fact, I don't mind Jesus rebuking me for having such little faith...as long as I can keep running to Him!  And honestly, I'm learning not to mind the sudden, unexpected, furious storms so much, anymore, because it is there I find myself IN AWE of his display of power over the elements!  I wonder if some day in the midst of a furious storm I will find him asleep...and instead of panicking, I will lay down right beside him...and fall asleep.  Isn't that what Paul meant when he said he learned to be content in all things?

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life" Melody Beattie

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  The word of God says to give thanks in everything...everything…ALL THINGS...not so easy to do...not so easy to do in the furious storm...I mean the really furious storms...How did Paul do it?...he saw the really bad stuff...he went through the really bad stuff. He had one of those boat experiences in the book of Acts!  How did he find victory over the elements?

Hidden in gratitude is a mysterious power. When I give thanks in whatever the situation, a transforming presence captivates my heart and removes blinding scales, enabling me to behold the treasure before me...that is laying right in front of me!  "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life" and enables me to look up and SCOFF at the waves and the breakers raging over me.  It is Christ, MY LORD, who lives in me, and he controls the elements and HE is the one that gives and gives and gives…the fullness of life.  And I am full!  I want to scream it at the waves...I AM FULL!... and because I am full...full of Christ...full of His life...YOU CAN NEVER DROWN ME!

Gratitude dissolves the mundane and thrusts us into the divine.  It delivers us from temporal thinking and reminds us that we are here for only a short time and eternity awaits us…Jesus awaits us…eternal awards await us!  Thankfulness paralyzes any thought of random chaos, uncontrollable destiny, purposeless suffering.  It takes our worst situation, our deepest struggle and exposes the evil and unfolds divine wisdom…eternal perspective.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life and causes life to burst and flow and spill out of our hearts and lives. Mysterious power, mysterious peace, mysterious joy consumes the man, the woman of thankfulness.  God loves a cheerful giver and gives cheer to the person who lives to thank Him.  It buries the mountain!  It demolishes worry and fear!  It ignites fire in the armies of God and paralyzes the enemies of God!  March forward!  Lay hold of your pilgrimage, your sojourn, your journey...with gratitude, with UNENDING thanksgiving. Begin to experience the power and perspective of your God...instead of your flesh...through the mystery of Thanksgiving!  

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus"  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Ekklesia

“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God”  Psalm 46:4

Ekklesia...Ekklesia...wake up.  The whisper cut through the air and penetrated her heart with breath...breath that seemed to come from a thousand lands away....breath so pure, it was as though it cleansed the inside of her heart filling her with the energy of a thousand suns.  It was him!  She opened her eyes and it was him!  The prince of men!  She knew those eyes though she had never seen them before.  They were so deep...so alive...and the color....she didn't recognize it but a name could almost be attached to it...something like alcolour...so vibrant, so beautiful...so full...so....love!  And the smile…so much...happiness!  Pure, exploding happiness in his smile.  He was so glad to see her!

Ekklesia...Ekklesia.  "Wake up", He said laughing.  He really was so glad to see her.  Before didn't seem to matter...whatever before was.  "Yes, it's me and I have so much to show you".  "C'mon Ekklesia, you're home...you're warfare has ended".  With those words came a peace that seemed from a hundred different universes and they flooded her soul to where it felt like she could swim in its rivers for eternity.  She sunk down in it so deeply that, for a moment, she wondered if there was any end…and then she knew...she knew she would have this peace...forever.

He took her hand and helped her up from where she was lying down and as he lifted her, the sword in his other hand he called by the name Majestic, began to carve what was before from her...whatever before was...there was so much before, it seemed, but it was no match for Majestic.  Within moments, before was completely gone, and she had become something completely different...something completely new.  It swirled about her, it surrounded her, it encompassed her, it wove its way through her, it had become her....she had become...purity.

Like a cherished daughter of a King, he put his arm around her and they walked together up a thick, blue sky...so blue she could almost taste it. As they effortlessly walked up the sky, a seam began to split open, and as she peered through the opening, a city so infinitely vast and so mighty in brilliance that she almost dared not to think of entering, lay before her.  But this city seemed to want her to enter...literally....it sang for her to enter...such an extraordinary song!  Oh it was beautiful!  A song with endless voices, endless instruments, endless cadence, endless love!  This city breathed love.  This city is love!  Buildings made of love...streets made of love...rivers flowing with love...even the food was bursting with love!

Ekklesia...Ekklesia... "Yes?” she asked.  "Are you ready?” He asked.  "It’s yours...I made it for you...you don't remember but I promised I would go and prepare a place for you".  I promised there would be so much to see, so much to do, and so many there who know you….who love you."  This is your eternity, Ekklesia.  This is your inheritance. This is only the beginning.  It will unfold before you and never stop unfolding before you.  “And you’ll be with me?!?” asked Ekklesia.  “You will be with me, right?”  Not only will I be with you, and not only will I never leave you but we are one, now, Ekklesia.  For all of eternity, we are one.  This unfolding inheritance is yours to work with me to unfold.  Together we have much to do!

With those words, Ekklesia fell to her knees and joining in the great song of that city, she began to sing and worship the one she had so longed for, so hoped for, so sought after, for so many centuries.  She fell to her knees and began to worship the Prince of men, the Lord of the Universe, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Trinity, the Great Three-in-One!

And on the way to the great city, Ekklesia swam...she swam with an extraordinary strength she had never known...and she swam in waters she had never known...she swam in the river whose streams make glad the city of God!

Mystical Partners

"The world is bursting with life for these few days because the song with which I called it into life still hangs in the air and rumbles in the ground.  It will not be so for long.  But I cannot tell that to this old sinner, and I cannot comfort him either, he has made himself unable to hear my voice.  If I spoke to him he would hear only growlings and roarings."  Aslan from The Magicians Nephew, C.S. Lewis

Whatever you do...don't let this happen.  Don't let your heart become so cold, embittered, or greedy for the fruit of this temporal realm, that you can no longer hear His voice...and it becomes growlings, roarings....undecipherable jibberish...white noise...clamorings in the distance, or worst of all...total silence. Don't let your souls be so swept up in and enamored with this dark world that the mysterious truth of your existence, the fantastic story of your secret journey, and the sanctity of your God-given mission is lost...desperately, hopelessly...lost.

Carol has an amazing gift.  We've been married for almost 14 years.  And during the course of these 14 years she has always been able to open the Word of God, start reading anywhere (in true Russian Roulette style) and make it come alive, pulling meaning from it instantly.  With her, it really is like that scripture, "the Word of God will not return void". When she opens the book, she fully intends that it/He would speak to her...and it does!  While others, including myself, will so often strive for something "fresh", she shows herself to be the little Johnny on the spot commentary guru!  Countless times when I have been overwhelmed with the "affairs of this age" I have come to her and literally said, "give me a Bible study, read the Word to me".  She then proceeds to open the book and speak words of life, thereby pulling me out of the "muck and mire" and restoring my eternal perspective.

Just this morning I woke up in a “funk" and had gone to the "dark side" of fruitless worry about things that are so temporal and have nothing to do with the Kingdom of God...which is why we're here, last time I checked!...It seemed I was trapped elsewhere.  Soon I found myself in a deep discussion about who I am in Christ, what He is doing in my life right now, and what eternity has in store for us...oh, and it was mostly a one-sided conversation...the voice of the wise wife!!!  Soon..."the joy of my salvation had been restored". Soon I was mysteriously, supernaturally delivered from the prison of my own thoughts and the enemy's lying clutches, and brought into the wonderful, eternal light of His truth and His presence! Oh, by the way, in the beginning of our conversation I had told her nothing of what I had been feeling that morning before she woke up.

I think we all need "mystical partners" in life, be it a spouse, friend, brother or sister in Christ.  Those that know us…those that can speak truth and life into our spirits…those that can remind us of the "mystical journey" that we are on…those that travel with us and battle on our behalf…those that will battle to keep God's voice from becoming "growlings and roarings".  Those that can help us step out of the mundane and re-engage the divine.

There must have been a reason Jesus sent his disciples out on their journeys two by two.  It's true we have "authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy" but if “one will put 1,000 to flight and 2 will put 10,000 to flight” then how much more powerful we must be, warring together with our hearts united.  Who doesn't love the story of David and Jonathan?  Two friends knitted together in their hearts, determined to protect the welfare of each other, the nation of Israel, and the name of the Most High God!  Who wouldn't want to have a "mystical partnership" like that?!?

I am writing this from an observatory in Mounds, Oklahoma.  I'm here with my family participating with other families in an astronomy project.  As I listen to the "expert" speak, and I gaze at the universe through high-powered telescopes, I am fascinated at how God has knitted this beautiful, infinite mass together...in perfect order...it just works together in a very specific manner.  What would happen if the Earth shifted a few centimeters towards or away from the sun?  Would it be destroyed?

The Church...the Body of Christ...the Remnant is intended to work together in a very specific manner.  It always fascinates me how He brings us together and strategically places co-laborers in our lives to help us.  He is indeed an “ever-present help in time of trouble” but I fully believe that it is our calling to engage in rescuing one another, building one another up, and battling together with our arms linked together in unity.  God, our “ever-present help in time of trouble” has placed a “mystical partner” in your life.  Find that person and press in and press on, together, towards the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus!

Superhero

"John's clothes were made of camel's hair, and he had a leather belt around his waist. His food was locusts and wild honey."  Matthew 3:4

I love this guy!  A true hero!  He's my hero!  If he were alive today or I was alive back then I would want to hang out with him.  And who wouldn't?!?  He absolutely could not care less about anything other than hearing from the Lord!!!   Obviously, fine clothes and fancy foods were not an issue.  He didn't need a stage or spotlight since he chose to live in the desert. He didn't care what people thought about him. Political correctness was not a concern since he preached a different government...and was beheaded for it.  Prestige was no concern.  Oh and he was in line for the priesthood but refused it...remember his parents?...yeah...daddy was a priest.  So titles meant nothing to him. Needless to say, comfort was not a necessity, and hardship seemed a preference.  It didn't matter!!!  NO MATTER WHAT IT TOOK, HE WAS DETERMINED TO KNOW HIS GOD!!!  

I wanna hang out with people like that.  Do you want to know why? Because I might get to know HIM a little bit more!  Even Jesus thought a lot of him. He said that no one born of women had been as great as John the Baptist!  Wow!  Would Jesus say that about us?

This guy was....well....a Superhero.

I wonder if John knew or had some idea of his future.  I wonder if he knew he would spend most of his life living in the desert, enjoying very little of the finer pleasures of life, only to go public with a difficult and unpopular message and after 15 minutes of fame end up beheaded because of some crazy lady!

Like any boy growing up, I loved superheroes.  Superman, Powerman, Spiderman, Captain America, Flash, and on and on.  Yes, bed sheets turned into capes and sticks turned into swords in the backyard of our home growing up. Nowadays, we have Star Wars, Ben 10, Bionicles, Harry Potter, Twilight, etc.  What makes them so great?  I think part of it is power.  Superhuman power.  We all want it.  And I don't think it's such a bad thing kept in perspective.  After all, didn't Adam have amazing ability before the fall?  Think about it...he managed the earth...he named ALL the animals.  He walked in purity before the presence of God.  And look at our future...a new name...hidden manna....eternal rewards....we'll rule and reign with Christ...we will fully know as we are known...there will be no darkness as members of this great eternal kingdom of priests!  I like to believe that somehow in some way we will be superheroes serving God for all eternity!

But for now, I love this John the Baptist, superhero…I love this superhero's uniform....Camel's hair and a leather belt...what else do you need when you have the power of the Holy Spirit?...I love his "special powers"....nothing....what?...yeah nothing...his only claim was the one coming after him whose shoelaces he was unworthy to untie...but when he spoke, the earth shook and lives were changed!...his only claim to power was that he made it...he survived the desert.  He endured God's testing, shaping, forming, stretching, molding and unending preparation...in his own "desert storm". Raised in the desert, SURRENDERED to the desert and all of its afflictions…that he might come forth, forged as a weapon in the master's hand.  This man allowed God to do whatever he needed to do...so that a bridled horse, a true spokesman for God would come forth.  God brought forth and trained a man through the furnace of affliction and a life of wordly denial to speak ONLY when he was SUPPOSED to speak and to do ONLY the work he was called to do.  He raised up a man to announce the coming of CHRIST!

I love this superhero’s food…locusts and wild honey.  He never ate at Mahogany’s.  He never tasted a hundred dollar bottle of wine…he never drank alcohol!  I love the company he kept…well I don’t know what company he kept…but I have to wonder what “officials”, CEO’s, religious leaders, or statesmen hung out in the desert?  What “brood of vipers” would even dare to come near him?  Raised in, and clothed with humility, he needed no limelight…only the light of his God.

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”  Romans 8:18

I love John’s eternal perspective.  He knew he was here for one purpose…to announce the coming of the Son of God and to repent of sin…he knew he was here to prepare the people for Christ, and soon he would join Him for all eternity.  Through every hour of joy or sadness, difficulty or elation, passion or drudgery…whatever the moment brought…it was there for a purpose…and he knew it...it was there to shape him…to mold him…to make him into what God called him to be…NOTHING was a waste…NOTHING in your life is a waste when you are surrendered to the desert…NOTHING in your life is a waste when you are surrendered to Him…Jesus…the Christ....the absolute lover of our souls.

...my prayer...

God, please make me your instrument.  May this life not be lived in vain.  May I become a weapon in your hand, fashioned by fire, sharpened & hammered to perfection, to slay the principalities of darkness and wickedness.  Out of my weakness and your strength, cause enormous faith to erupt from within me.  Help me to slay my dragons of fear and confusion.  Cause me to ride forth victoriously with valor and vision at my side.  Rescue me from my impurities.  Cleanse me of my sin.  That I may see you & behold the one I desire above all.  My longing for the light of your countenance, the deep wealth of your word spoken, and the rich fragrance of your presence are almost too much to bear.  I remember how you visited me through the day always close…surrounding me.  Your words impregnated my soul without relent.  Worship was my every thought, my every breath, and my steadfast response.  I pray for a new chapter to begin.  Perhaps something deeper, a rekindling,. Perhaps this is a new invitation…to your altar, the secret place.