"my soul is restless til it finds it's rest in thee" Augustine
Been reflecting on my conversion a lot lately. Words cannot describe the sheer mystery and power of His revealing on that great and glorious day.
I've never stopped marveling at His visitation that took place 21 years ago. I was living in Austin, Tx, 1989, 23 yrs old on a destructive path as a musician in a very dark, alternative rock band.
....partaking of ALL the fruits and chemicals this world had to offer...
I was horrifically alone and totally empty inside...
He literally swept into the living room of my apartment that day. 3rd floor, sliding glass door to balcony open...hot summer day in the middle of the afternoon.
Like a mighty rushing wind He breathed into my home as I sat facing the balcony. It is no exaggeration when I say the room was suddenly filled with the presence, the power, and the mysterious, divine, glory of God. In an instant my eyes were opened and I believed!
In an instant I went from utterly empty, miserable, and hopelessly lost to being totally filled with a strange but wonderful, new presence...person.
Like dew from heaven...except I was drenched and my soul was very...very satisfied.
I went from complete atheist to complete believer. It was as though He came into the room and, literally, my first thought was...hello God. Nice to meet you! I think your son's name is Jesus...?
I felt as though God turned to all of heaven and said...it's time...let's go get him!...and they came! With a mighty, indescribable force!
"he parted the heavens and came down"
"he reached down from on high and took hold of me and drew me out of deep waters"
"he rescued me because he delighted in me"
Been reflecting on my conversion a lot lately. Words cannot describe the sheer mystery and power of His revealing on that great and glorious day.
I've never stopped marveling at His visitation that took place 21 years ago. I was living in Austin, Tx, 1989, 23 yrs old on a destructive path as a musician in a very dark, alternative rock band.
....partaking of ALL the fruits and chemicals this world had to offer...
I was horrifically alone and totally empty inside...
He literally swept into the living room of my apartment that day. 3rd floor, sliding glass door to balcony open...hot summer day in the middle of the afternoon.
Like a mighty rushing wind He breathed into my home as I sat facing the balcony. It is no exaggeration when I say the room was suddenly filled with the presence, the power, and the mysterious, divine, glory of God. In an instant my eyes were opened and I believed!
In an instant I went from utterly empty, miserable, and hopelessly lost to being totally filled with a strange but wonderful, new presence...person.
Like dew from heaven...except I was drenched and my soul was very...very satisfied.
I went from complete atheist to complete believer. It was as though He came into the room and, literally, my first thought was...hello God. Nice to meet you! I think your son's name is Jesus...?
I felt as though God turned to all of heaven and said...it's time...let's go get him!...and they came! With a mighty, indescribable force!
"he parted the heavens and came down"
"he reached down from on high and took hold of me and drew me out of deep waters"
"he rescued me because he delighted in me"
Psalm 18
I had a pocket Bible and hurried to my bedroom to find it squeezed between Nietzsche, Camus, Sartre, Hinduism, Buddhism, and every other "ism". Those books had been fascinating to me but the Bible was dead, boring and irrelevant.
Not this time...
I opened it and for the first time in my life, the WORDS WERE ALIVE. They trembled. The book trembled as I held it in my hand. I had discovered the hidden treasure of the ages and it had been right in front of me for years. He removed the scales and I was in love.
This is literally what the book opened to...the first scripture I had ever read...well with the scales removed...
"The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:25
Now, I had no idea what that meant but I knew one thing for sure...the words were food for my soul and I couldn't stop eating!
It seems the once dead religion reserved only for the weak, straight-laced and well...nerdy...was now an adoption into the holy mystery of a God who was very much alive and MIGHTY to save.
What a day! The delight of heaven filled my heart and filled my home! I know beyond any doubt that the same cloud of glory that led the Israelites through the desert was in my little apartment on that historical and ETERNALLY significant day...and I knew at that moment I would passionately follow him for the rest of my life...no matter what the cost.
I had a pocket Bible and hurried to my bedroom to find it squeezed between Nietzsche, Camus, Sartre, Hinduism, Buddhism, and every other "ism". Those books had been fascinating to me but the Bible was dead, boring and irrelevant.
Not this time...
I opened it and for the first time in my life, the WORDS WERE ALIVE. They trembled. The book trembled as I held it in my hand. I had discovered the hidden treasure of the ages and it had been right in front of me for years. He removed the scales and I was in love.
This is literally what the book opened to...the first scripture I had ever read...well with the scales removed...
"The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:25
Now, I had no idea what that meant but I knew one thing for sure...the words were food for my soul and I couldn't stop eating!
It seems the once dead religion reserved only for the weak, straight-laced and well...nerdy...was now an adoption into the holy mystery of a God who was very much alive and MIGHTY to save.
What a day! The delight of heaven filled my heart and filled my home! I know beyond any doubt that the same cloud of glory that led the Israelites through the desert was in my little apartment on that historical and ETERNALLY significant day...and I knew at that moment I would passionately follow him for the rest of my life...no matter what the cost.
What a magnificent God that he would save me from such utter DARKNESS in such an extraordinary way…divine fire consumed me…”zeal for your house consumed me”.
I remember wandering those streets in Austin night after night almost disoriented from the “aloneness”, stress, confusion, and despair from a life bound by the "prince of this world" "who is now at work in those who are disobedient". Funny...all my clothing...BLACK...was an obvious reflection of not only how I felt inside but literally who I was inside. “Dead in my transgressions and sins”.
It is so clear to me now that the darkest forces of hell were bent on doing everything possible to drag me with them to share in their eternal inheritance. I believe they came awfully close…especially with my endless contemplations of taking my own life.
"the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers"
"we wrestle with spiritual wickedness in high places"
He is so very good!
I think about how I so often worry about so many trivial…and some important…matters invading my thoughts on a daily basis. Then I remember this amazing day and hundreds of other remarkable days where he has moved so mightily and so unmistakably in my life. It reminds me of how my life is so completely vulnerable in his presence, purpose and will …and this brings me rest…great rest…oh how he loves me!
“and I-in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness”. Psalm 17:15
That's awesome Sean! What a great and powerful God we serve!
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